Monday, 13 December 2021 | PNS | Dehradun
Are you the sort of person that wakes up each morning with a pre-planned to-do list ready? Do you meticulously plan your day to as minute a detail as you possibly can, even throwing in pre-empted hurdles that may arise?
If the answer has been yes to either of the two questions, it is safe for me to assume that you also have had feelings of absolute confusion and regret when things don’t pan out as planned! So, this brings me to a few other questions – should we plan or should we just take it as it comes? Is there a science behind happiness or are they mere words of encouragement?
Until very recently, I was a victim of frustration. When things didn’t pan out the way I envisioned them to, it bothered me to the brink of insanity. It almost felt as though I was engulfed in a flame of exasperation and helplessness. Mental health and well being seemed to take a backseat as I got so entangled about the things I couldn’t control that I lost sight of the ones I could. My entire focus was spent scrutinising and dramatising the insignificant until it left me feeling unfulfilled and lost.
But, the universe always gives us a sign and I got mine when I crossed an ambulance on the way to work one morning. Here I was cribbing about the inconsequential things in my life and on the whizzing white van someone was fighting hard for another day! Another day to live so he could probably play that game of cricket with his son, another day to love so he could take his wife out to her favorite place for dinner…
So how does one live a happy life? I could list down a hundred different ways based on personal experiences and memories but for now, shall put down the top three I swear by. Each of us goes through experiences, and it is through these moments that we decide on the next course our life should take. And more often than not, even though it may be a calculated risk, it still may not turn out the way we want. And the only way to deal with it is – take a deep breath and stop worrying.
As we grow older, we grow quieter. It isn’t because we have less to say but because we have realised that 99 per cent of the things we worried about in our youth simply featured in our life as brief spots of advertisement. The thing to remember here is – what you focus on grows. So, if you want more joy in your life, the trick is to just keep fuelling the happiness you have.
Often people say and do things because they have been conditioned to live a certain way. But life was never meant to be lived according to norms and rules. It was a gift to be lived as you want. You may or may not agree but it’s an interesting point of view. A friend I met after decades gave me a new perspective on marriage. “Marriage, especially in India, is society’s way of trying to control you. It sets rules and regulations of how you should be. But I’ve seen people live together simply because it is convenient. Love is often not even in the picture.” On this, all I will say is that – be in a relationship that makes you want to wake up each morning with a smile. For life is too short to waste on anything that doesn’t make you happy from your soul.
There is a lot of calmness that comes when you learn to detach yourself from another person’s beliefs and behaviour. The things they believe or the way they behave is their choice, but learning the art of detachment is yours. Life can be kind if you learn to understand its bends and extremely brutal if you don’t.
(The writer is an award winning author and blogger who writes on life, relationships and contemporary living. Views expressed are personal)
