Monday, 16 May 2022 | Pooja Poddar Marwah | Dehradun
A boat was never made to be moored to the harbour. We are not born with roots that tie us to a place but feet that let us move. The fear of pain and discomfort comes to push us around; because real growth can only happen if you are forced to step beyond the mundane predictability of today. For anything of significant value to take shape in your life, you have to deal with enormous amounts of pain. And, needless to say, you will be quick to retort as to why you need to experience pain to know pleasure. But the fact is – you do.
When things are moving at cruising speeds, most of us tend to bask in the complacency of the moment. We end up taking for granted the people and memories in the assumption that they will always be ours to have. But tell me, how fair is it to ask that people should stay as is when everything around us, including our own body and mindset change by the day? Our cells mutate, die; and are reborn again. Our features age with time. Maturity sets in and alters our perception of the way we view the world. Our views about life in our twenties will be a stark contrast to our views in our forties. The agility and spring we have then will undergo a slight muscle and joint programming as we age. We can colour our hair and inject botox, but wrinkles and grey do appear. So how can we expect people to remain exactly the same as they were years ago?
Pain comes when ordinary normalcy is fuelled by personal growth. Pain comes when things beyond our control happen that push us to step outside of our ponds and take charge. Pain comes when our mindset decays in the weeds of expectation, possessiveness, and delusion. And this pain comes at a time of its choosing. How we deal with it defines us, the path we take of embracing it or fighting it strengthens us. The lesson we learn about life in the process is a life-changing eureka moment. For it is at that exact time that we begin to shed the leaves of anxiety and fear.
Trauma is not pleasant and never can be. But like life, it is something that touches virtually everyone in some or the other manner. It’s not something you asked for but it was still generously put on your plate! African American Maya Angelou is one of many such examples who became what she did because of her pain, not despite it! Having said this, if I were to cite personal experience, I’d vehemently deny feeling any sense of hope whilst going through my pain. I simply didn’t. Some days… just getting out of bed was an achievement. Being able to smile and laugh with my family was a victory. Losing someone you love is perhaps the greatest pain there can be, for nothing ever prepares us for a loss that magnanimous! But we still find the strength to push ourselves to stand again. Sometimes for ourselves, and sometimes for the people we have around.
Where change is an everlasting constant in life, it is our perceptions that we need to alter to be able to adapt to that metamorphose. We have to rebegin with day one and rebuild the rest of our days with joy and gaiety. Pain can never be good but it has the power to force you to shift things around so you can be where you were intended to be. The only prerequisite is – you have to learn to embrace it. For if you let it affect you, it will grow on you like a climber and as time goes, cover you with its eerie shade. There is always a choice we have in life – and the next part depends entirely on how we close the previous chapter!
(The writer is an award winning author and blogger who writes on life, relationships and contemporary living. Views expressed are personal)
